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Thoughts on NSFW content

On being open about my kinks

IF YOURE READING THIS RIGHT NOW IM STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WRITING THIS WIP

One of the things about me that I put plainly out to see and is hard to ignore is that I like noncon/rapefiction and have a gore fetish. The thing is though I only started to be open about this this year, 2025, prior I mostly hid this fact away and its something I've been wanting to talk about for a while now on my website, and I'm finally attempting to fully commit to it.

There's a couple of different reasons why I began to be more open about it; for starters it's related to what I've talked about before where I feel I had not been creating the art I really wanted to make and so I'm working on being able to create that art. And so I've become more self-indulgent and pornography and my kinks and fetishes go along with that indulgence. Even prior to 2025 there had always been "little hints" into the fact I was into this, characters portrayed as anxious; afraid, depressed; traumatized, victims in these fantasies, relationships of hate and fear, suggesting something horrible could happen. Hell the fact that my scrapped OC Male was immortal was so I could think about weird gore fetish stuff and have it be canon to his character. I've been into this since I was at least 15 and it was always present in my work, though never this openly before.

It's basically like this.

So why did I hide this? When I was younger on the internet people being open about this stuff was very common, for better or worse, at some point though through fandom I became friends with some people who were against that kind of stuff. It's hard to have this discussion without adressing the terms "anti" and "proshipper" unfortunately. I think these terms suck ass and I find most everyone I have seen describe themselves as "proship" to be some of the dumbest motherfuckers alive. I hate fandom and I genuinely think people need to stop engaging with fandom, I could go on about it but that's not the point now. At the time I agreed with these friends, I was on their side and got the people I was already friends with on about this too, and then some time passed and I realized the fact that I definitely find rapefiction and gore hot.

It wasn't a sudden thing, I was already aware that I enjoyed seeing characters I liked when they were miserable and afraid, seeing them covered in blood would get me excited, shoutout to early tokyo ghoul in particular, so it was never a "oh shit this is what I like". I was pretty ashamed of this so I kept it to myself; I had secret accounts that were divorced from me as much as possible, a locked alt account on twitter, a secret gore blog on tumblr, and that's kind of how it was for a long time. I'm sure some of you are coming to mind the whole "against it but secretly into it" trope which is kind of annoying but in the cases of rapefiction and abuse ships... yeah it was. To some degree I think my friends already knew this fact, some of them I don't hang out with anymore for other reasons, but my friends Greta and Donnie definitely already knew even if we didn't really talk about it. When I had started telling my current friends all about it and Donnie was like "i think i already know what you're into" it was like, yeah I kinda already knew you knew. Despite that I was terrified of telling my friends about it. I dealt with anxiety and fears of them finding out and all hating me and abandoning me, even though plenty of people in our online circle were also openly into a lot of the stuff I was into the fear was there. Thankfully that didn't happen and we're all chilling being perverts together even if we don't actually like the same things.

Let's be sick nasty perverts.. together.

That's the next reason I made this decision, it wasn't really healthy was it? Even now I still deal with near constant anxiety of doing something wrong and being hated for it, I'm sure someone will think of moral OCD at me saying that. I'm not gonna say either way if I have it or not because I feel wrong trying to self diagnose, but it is a posibility I've considered on and off for the past 6 years. Unfortunately horrible intrusive thoughts I've had since middle school isn't a symptom of ADHD no matter how much my younger self tried to string those keywords together in online searches. Feeling this fear of getting found out, getting a callout post, having my friends become disgusted with me and leave me, shun me, kick me out, feel betrayed by me. It wasn't healthy in the slightest. Honestly even now with being open about it I'm like "there are people who dont know and once they do there will be trouble" quite frequently, especially with friends of friends. Being upfront about it has reduced a lot of that anxiety though, honestly a lot of my friends were not surprised in the slightest, the fact I like vomit was probably more surprising if anything.

With "getting found out" also comes the other person's feelings, betrayal and disgust at having been around someone into that stuff. I don't think people are automatically puritans for being uncomfortable with someone with a rape and gore fetish, for starters "puritan" and "purity culture" are like... not related to this, and I especially block anyone using the term "puriteen" (I might come back to that later but jesus fucking christ you are grown adults, use your brain). Obviously what someone does with that discomfort and such can become a problem, but someone being uncomfortable with someone jerking off to gore is pretty normal i'd say actually, and I would not blame people for not wanting to be around someone openly into that. And by being open about it I am allowing for people to set and respect their own boundaries and such which is another reason why I decided to be open about this fact. Now people can see what I'm into and decide if I am someone they want to interact with or not, it allows for that kind of informed choice that being secretive doesn't. Especially when it comes to my work; I don't think putting little bits of my fetishes and disguising it and acting like it's for nonfetish reasons allows for that when people engage with my work, such as when they draw my OCs for example.

If you asked me why I was into this stuff I don't know what to tell you. Why is anyone into anything? We have theories but nothing concrete, people are weird, people are different. Ultimately I think this is all just extensions of liking BDSM stuff and is one of the reasons I think people trying to censor the kinds of fetishes I'm into just will never work; not without condemning BDSM as a whole. Safe words for example already imply a sort of noncon roleplay aspect and rape roleplay is already fairly common. If my fetishization of violence and gore is bad where do you draw the line between it and the fetishization found in regular BDSM? Is caning bad? is whipping bad? needle play? people already accuse BDSM of fetishizing domestic violence. Some say the explicit consent before and after and the setting of boundaries and safe words and gestures makes it different from just creating rapefiction, and that it only becomes ok so long as the establishing of safe kink is deigetic in the work. Which don't get me wrong that can be hot but the safe words and boundaries and consent are not the fantasy, they're how we can indulge a bit in the fantasy in real life in a way that's safe and healthy, the fiction is the fantasy.

If we are to condemn porn for violence and upsetting themes than what about video games? The classic arguments of video games cause violence is no different from discussions on kink. If depictions of sexual violence for the purpose of gratification is wrong than so is the violence portrayed in video games, one is not more wrong than the other because one is for sexual pleasure and one is for nonsexual pleasure. I also see many of people who condemn violence and gore for the sake of sexual pleasure but then go on to post about how much they love putting their characters through "the horrors". If it is wrong of me to derive pleasure from putting characters through "the horrors" because there is a sexual aspect to it than how is it not wrong for these people to do the same? I'm not of the mindset that fiction doesn't affect reality mind you because that's just factually untrue and I don't just uncritically accept any kink, if you're into raceplay you're just racist and I will not allow you in my spaces. Video games may not cause violence but many video game spaces are filled with racist and bigoted vitriol, the US military has used video games as attempts to recruit people into the military, the discussion on how fiction and reality affect one another is a truly interesting one and I think interesting discussions could be had in the same manner about kink and pornography were there not so much stigma surrounding it all.

SFW vs NSFW and views on porn

A thing I think about a lot is the divide between SFW art and NSFW art, especially in an age where more censorship is being brought down on pornographic content. There's this clear view in society of sexual content as something lesser, the seperation of the artist from the NSFW/Porn artist, the disgust people get when there's fetish content in a work, "gooner slop", if something is sexual people feel inclined to disregard the craft put into it. This isn't to say there isn't tons of garbage porn stuff, trust me I look at enough porn to know how bad a lot of it is, but yknow sturgeon's law and all that. There's tons of SFW art I see that I think kind of sucks, even stuff that is technically impressive but I find aesthetically bland; like the work of samdoesart for example. Honestly were it not for this seperation I think we'd have a bunch more interesting porn out in the world, imagine how many more artists would be interested in creating porn and sexual content were it not for the feeling that once they did they would be condemned to no longer being an artist, they'd be a "porn artist" or worse a "gooner artist". I think about artists who have been treated poorly, "art regression" and all that with pictures of furries with increasing thigh sizes as the proof, people become disgusted when there's even a hint of sexuality becoming a part of someone's art and they use it as a weapon to harrass.

Actually not named for the fish.

Some artists do create both SFW and NSFW art, often with seperate accounts, which can make sense particularly on websites that lack proper features to content warn and filter, hell even I was planning to do so, though in my opinion those sites are dogshit, but even then it creates this view of their porn as their "lesser art" and their SFW art as their "real art", their "normal art". I don't think this compartmentalization of sexual desire is healthy,

Gooner itself is a word I despise as it originates from the shame and stigma surrounding sex. Some say "oh it used to be a fine word to describe porn addiction and the internet misused it" but even that origin makes the term worth contempt. I believe studies were done that showed those who considered themselves porn addicts actually tended to look at porn less than the average person, and to believe in the concept of porn addiction is to believe in the christian conservative idea of porn as something that degenerates. It's no secret that people view those who are openly into sexual content as inherently dangerous